Foreplay – Every Trick in the Book
I wrote this book after my wife insisted. I told her that there were too many sex books already and I didn’t think any more were
Just a little instructional book for those who want to learn the Q-Tip Technique and other freaky sex tricks
needed but she said that I owed it to the world to share some of my knowledge. She believes in me…or at least in my abilities in the bedroom.
Really, I only have one secret…well, maybe three. They’re rules actually. I have three rules for sex.
The first RULE is the most important. Have fun. Sex is not like most churches teach. It is not strictly for procreation, but also for recreation. In fact, the Bible indicates this and if the religious nuts would actually read it for a change they would know so. But this is not a book of religion—it’s a book to open your mind and your libido. It’s a book to teach you how to have fun in the bedroom, the boardroom, the bathroom, the kitchen, the park (just don’t get caught), or anywhere you decide to let it all (literally) hang out. I hope to inspire everyone reading this to have fun with their sex lives and never hold back. Get kinky, get freaky, fuck like drunk monkeys, and just enjoy.
The second RULE, if you want to get the most out of sex is to always please your partner first. This goes both ways and think about that. If you’re trying to please your partner first and your partner is trying to please you first, both are going to be working extra hard (one in particular) to get the other off. This is the greatest competition ever. It would be like two runners each trying to encourage the other to the finish line first. Imagine the speed—no one would ever run as fast. Of course, the goal here is not to get it over quick, but rather to get it again and again and again until both are sweaty, exhausted, and completely satisfied…until you rest up of course.
RULE number three is trickier for some and this is the main reason I wrote this book. Be creative. If you think of something that might be fun, try it. But be careful. Emergency rooms get all sort of strange injuries every day from someone not thinking a sex trick through. Some of the stranger things taken from peoples asses worldwide include light bulbs, cell phones (all the rage in Japan), and cement (all the rage in Florida—you decide which is stranger). These are a tad too creative I think. Just think about what you are putting where and how it will come out before trying it—unless getting a fat, ugly nurse to extract it is your thing. Then go for it, but remember the ER bill is sure to kill your thrill later. Other injuries include putting penises in strange things like vacuum cleaners (and having it nearly chopped off), swimming pool suction lines (13 hours of agony that guy suffered—along with severe damage to his woody), and a cantaloupe heated in the microwave (2nd degree burns were the result of that one). The point is, get creative but think before getting too creative.
